Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash
If you are a frequent reader, you may have noticed my writing blends personal stories, spirituality, humor, and contemplative-flavored questions that won’t leave me alone. I'm not sure when I evolved into a collage of head-and-heart wonderment. It wasn't always that way or maybe it was and I just didn't have a name for it.
This personal origin story illustrates a question that changed everything; charming, humorous – at least to me – and embarrassing in the best of ways.
When we first started dating, my husband-to-be brought out his scrapbook. It contained quotations and articles he’d collected over the years. They reflected perseverance, love, compassion, and kindness, qualities of the heart I now aspire to live by. Sharing these revealed a touching, sentimental and dare I say romantic glimpse into his heart.
That is, until he asked me, "What is your philosophy of life?"
What? Huh? Stupefied, I sat in silence for what seemed like ages before finally speaking the only thing that came to mind: the truth.
"What’s a philosophy?"
Yep. That's what I said. Remembering the moment, I laugh and cry. I love that innocent, honest 20-year-old me.
Roy responded with such tenderness: no making fun, no snide remarks, no belittling. He wrapped me in his arms. He explained the meaning of philosophy, values, morals, and ways of showing up and being in the world. As I fell deeply in love with this tender man, the moment cracked open a door within me that I didn't even know existed. What was my philosophy?
Ever since that day, I've asked the philosophy question of myself countless times. I still ask versions of it: How do I want to show up? How can I make a difference? What act of kindness can I offer today?
I began in the shallow end of the philosophy pool, dipping my toes in reading, splashing about in teachings, experimenting with wisdom traditions, learning who I was, until I began swimming in the deeper water of my own philosophy. Along the way, I became a seeker of the good in life and in all beings.
I don’t mean “good times all the time,” but good as in awe-filled and grateful. Good as in allowing flaws to be part and parcel of who I am. Good as in finding a way to make a difference. Good as in loving as unconditionally as I can in this human form. Good as in forgiving when I hurt or when I’m hurt. Good as in do good in kindful ways. And do good by honoring the inherent good inside me and you.
Without that life-changing question I don't think I'd be here writing in this way.
Even as a child I asked big questions. I know them now as contemplative, reflective filled with inquiry and curiosity - the best of questions, that lead to understanding and deeper meaning.
I've been called shy, introverted, quiet, and that is all true at times but I'm more than those traits. I'm also pensive, reflective, loving, forgiving, scrappy, chihuahua-like, and bossy as hell. Question - How can all that be in one flawsome human? Questions in and of themselves are often the answer to our deepest longings.
Those seemingly unconnected traits are the fabric of me. All of me is welcome, all of me belongs. The boss can belong without always taking center stage as when attempting to skillfully direct my parents recent move to higher level care. The quiet one can belong without always shrinking as in listening to move toward understanding.
I’m like a jar of Costco Deluxe mixed nuts. A little salty, a little nutty, multiple varieties are present. The deluxe me is still growing into my answer to the question Roy asked so many years ago.
In-joy discovering your philosophy.