Resistance: The Hidden Drain on Our Energy, Part 1
Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash
The Exhaustion We Don’t Notice
Have you ever reached the end of the day feeling tired even when nothing especially dramatic has occured?
Not physically exhausted. Not emotionally wrecked. Just worn down.
Here’s a question worth contemplating:
How much of our daily frustration, dissatisfaction, or exhaustion actually comes from resistance?
Resistance is sneaky. It rarely announces itself. It doesn’t look like rebellion or refusal. Most of the time, it sounds like ordinary thinking.
You know the phrases:
I should have handled that differently.
This shouldn’t be happening.
I’ll be happy when…
Things will be better once…
I didn’t sign up for this!
Why me!
Resistance is the quiet argument we have with what is actually happening in the moment, a.k.a. reality. And reality, as it turns out, never loses.
There’s an old saying often attributed to Carl Jung: “What we resist, persists.”
Not because life is punishing us, but because resistance keeps our attention locked onto what already is, without allowing movement, digestion, or resolution. We are gripping something that doesn’t want to be gripped.
What Resistance Actually Looks Like
Resistance isn’t just complaining (though that’s one flavor). It shows up in subtler, more socially acceptable ways.
It looks like tolerating situations you’ve quietly outgrown because discomfort feels safer than uncertainty.
It sounds like reminiscing about “the good old days” while missing the life unfolding right now.
It feels like waiting for conditions to change before allowing yourself permission to feel okay.
We often assume resistance protects us. In reality, it drains us.
The Many Faces of Resistance
Over years of teaching mindfulness, I’ve noticed resistance tends to show up in predictable patterns almost like it’s wearing costumes.
1. Resistance to Emotions
This one is incredibly human. Instead of feeling what’s present, we manage it.
We numb ourselves:
food
alcohol
scrolling
shopping
overworking
binge watching
Sometimes we even use wellness practices themselves as avoidance. Meditation becomes escape.
“Good vibes only” replaces authenticity. Positivity becomes pressure.
This is sometimes called spiritual bypassing - using spirituality to avoid being human.
Another common strategy? Living entirely in the head. We analyze feelings instead of feeling them. We think rather than feel; brain versus heart.
Emotions work more like digestion than decision-making. When you eat, you trust the body to digest and assimilate food. You don’t stand over your stomach giving instructions. Emotions need the same permission. They must be felt to be integrated.
2. Resistance to Ourselves
This is where the inner critic shows up. We compare ourselves to invisible standards. We practice self-criticism. We hide parts of ourselves we’ve labeled unacceptable.
Sometimes resistance looks like not speaking our truth; not because we don’t know it, but because we fear what it might change.
Interesting to consider is that the energy required to avoid ourselves is enormous.
3. Resistance to Others
This one can feel justified. We try to fix people for their own good. Manage their growth because we know better. Carry responsibility for struggles that are not ours. Or we hold onto grudges, replaying old hurts long after the moment has passed.
The mind believes it’s maintaining control or fairness. But emotionally, we stay tethered to the past missing out on the miracles of the moment.
4. Resistance to Uncertainty
This might be the modern epidemic. We overthink before beginning. Research endlessly.
Wait until we feel completely ready. We micromanage life into rigid expectations trying to eliminate risk.
And when uncertainty rises, the mind prepares for catastrophe as a strange form of safety. If I expect the worst, maybe I won’t be surprised - a subtle form of control.
Except… the nervous system never gets to rest, it’s always on edge.
5. Resistance to Joy
This may be the most surprising form of resistance. When life goes well, something inside whispers:
This won’t last.
Don’t trust it.
The other shoe will drop.
So we downplay successes. Deflect compliments. Play small. Turn away from opportunities.
Because joy changes who we are in a supportive way and change, even positive change, feels risky.
A Gentle Truth
Resistance isn’t a flaw. It’s protection.
At some point in our lives, resisting helped us cope, belong, or stay safe. The problem isn’t that resistance exists. The problem is that it keeps operating long after its job is done.
And over time, resisting reality requires far more energy than meeting reality.
In Part 2, we’ll explore what happens when we stop fighting experience and how mindfulness offers a practical way to soften resistance without giving up agency, boundaries, or discernment.
Because acceptance doesn’t mean liking everything. It simply means we stop wasting energy arguing with what already is.
In-joy meeting reality,
Debbie